Saturday, 26 May 2012

Dear Barry...


Hey Folks,
                  For a long time now, I've been praised for my listening skills. Many friends and family members have suggested that I have a talk show or agony column. I decided for the latter, as both my empathy and sympathy are equally legendary....

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Dear Barry,


I have always been a little person. Many have mocked me for this. I have always walked home from school with cuts and bruises, other kids hate me. If only people would understand me when I do my variation to "Out of This Universe", I would stop being bullied. But tell me, Barry, why are you so little? Is it genetic, or what?


E. Rection


Dear Mr Rection,


A LITTLE PERSON, EH? YOU ASS FUCKING RUNT.


BS

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Dear Barry,

I think your reaction may have been a bit harsh just now. I am a big fan of yours, but will probably not post agian soon, due to your blunt attitude, bordering on rudeness.

F. Laccid

Dear Mr Laccid,

WELL, MR LITTLE BAD SPELLER, "F. LACCID" HAS LEFT THE BUILDING,  "AGIAN", WHAT A SURPRISE!!!

BS

Dear Barry,

(sorry, I meant "again")

F. Laccid

Dear Mr Laccid,

I THOUGHT YOU HAD LEFT THE BUILDING???? 

BS

Dear Barry,

I'm truly sorry for my behaviour in general. I'm not sleeping well. Only in the last year: my entire family was eaten by wolves, my house fell into a swamp, I bit my nephew's left ear off in a gardening accident, my grandmother gave birth to a tractor, and the local Spar went from Conservative to Green. Plus, my car developed piles.

F. Laccid


Dear Mr Laccid,

I'm sorry, for your loss.  

BUT AREN'T YOU THE STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE THAT ANNOYED ME IN THE PAST? YES, I THINK YOU ARE, MR F. FRICKING LACCID. YOU PRICK, YOU TURD BEYOND HUMAN RECKONING. YOU ARE TRULY AN ASS BURGLAR, WITHOUT ANY DOUBT. 

BS



8 comments:

  1. Dear Barry,

    I have been diagnosed with Aspergers. How can I overcome this and stop people hating me?

    LOL

    Hahahaha

    FAKE POST

    You sad child.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Mad Min,

      FUCK OFF AND DIE!!!!

      BS

      Delete
  2. Oh, was that article a provocation so that I comment back coz you are sooo missing me (I mean "no-body reads my blog, sniff, sniff). If that's the case, then, congratulations, you SUCCEEDED. Haha, poor child.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I so agree with you Admin. Such as fake, and he DOES miss you very much. Haha, poor child.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Barry,

    I have a problem with my self esteem, and sometimes I just want to end it all. I have a beautiful family, and am surrounded by love, yet sometimes I feel so lost and alone. It makes a difference knowing you are there, and will respond sensitively to my problems. Given that I have spent over $90,000 dollars over the years on your superb material, I hope I can count on you as a friend.

    Thanks for listening, Barry,

    Richie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Dear Richie,

      Where do I begin? YOU ARE A SCHMUCK! The lowest of the low, Richie. Really, YOU think to call ME A FRIEND??? You have to be nuts, Richie, to think that I would ever condescend to be friends with a loser like you are.

      I mean, c'mon, Richie, that would be scraping the barrel.

      As for your issues around self-esteem? GET A FRIGGING LIFE ALREADY, YOU BOZO!!! No one else is gonna help you, Richie, so just get a grip. Jeez.

      And your ninety grand was well spent, my friend. Very well spent.

      BS

      Delete
  5. Talking to himself again ... pathetic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh boohoohoohoohoo. Oh Admin, oh boohoo.

      Delete