Here's your April surprise! It's a brand new double whammy from 'Real Fuckin' Secrets'.
"Why a double whammy?" you ask. Well, I'll tell ya. Not only do you get to remove your thumb, you get to put it back on again! You lucky, lucky people.
Anyone caught giving this prized information out to anyone, including their mother, will be castrated. With a rusty set of shears.
I worked my ass off over this production, and if some pony-assed jerk-water is gonna squeal then I'm sending the boys in. You have my word.